She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
