This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
