a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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