i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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