Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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