Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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