He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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