evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
