You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
