I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
