I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
