Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
