Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
