i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
