I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
