I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
