Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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