I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I seem to have left my pride at pride
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
