I think i peed on brittanys purse
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
