Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
