The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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