you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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