I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
