That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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