That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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