Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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