Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Come see our sink grown plant.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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