I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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