The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
