Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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