he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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