Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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