I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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