i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
