grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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