I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
