Screwed.edu
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
