Are we in a gay sports bar?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
