Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
