it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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