Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
