If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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