He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
