3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
