My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
