I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
