The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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