Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
