Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
