I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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