Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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